I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
