The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize