No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
