Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need water and some morals
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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