Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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