Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The ass gains better be worth it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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