Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He shit in the fireplace
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
