I smell stomach acid.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I looked at my own cervix.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
