Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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