so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
