Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
