i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
