Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
