there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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