No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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