Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?