For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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