I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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