I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.