It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.