I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher