I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS