i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
