you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
