So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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