i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
