I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
