I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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