we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
