Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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