i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize