We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
