i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
