I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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