I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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