If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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