We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
