it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
