Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
