does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
