Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
