I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
