just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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