So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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