I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
