Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
