when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
