i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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