She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
