I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
