Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
