Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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