Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
