A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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