worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
