Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Quick, to the slutcave!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My bed smells like the plague
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
