ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
