I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
