Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
