i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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