it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
