I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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