Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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