Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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