i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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