Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
