Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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