I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
