I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
