Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
